why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize