My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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