the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize