So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
