I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
