Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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