You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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