If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
