I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
