There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was born a porn star she said
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
