felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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