6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
