Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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