I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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