tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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