she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize