I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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