there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
