I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
