just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
