yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
