I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
