3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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