Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
