I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize