I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
