I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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