he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
