was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
