Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
