A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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