party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
