he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize