I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize