Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
