High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
