i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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