Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
