So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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