Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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