Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
