What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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