ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
