So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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