Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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