You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
