Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize