the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everything about him screamed your future.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize