Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
