That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
