quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
