i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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