She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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