Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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