Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I deserve this hangover.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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