Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
