never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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